The evening before the M.E.S.S. happened...

And as they sat there on the settee by the second floor bay window, they knew that their hearts and souls were one, that they'd always be together, that even the largest distance between them could be crossed with just a wave of a fingertip. The pair smalled of nutmeg, their calves sore with domesticity. The day had seen several batches of scones, freshly-made candles for the windows, a full laundering of the sheets in all of the rooms, and an old-fashioned scrubbing of the front steps, clearing the moss away so that customers wouldn't slip.
Their life together was never quiet, as Paula was always hollering about something, and the sound of a broom swishing was just as natural as the sound of footsteps on a busy street. But it was good all the same, because they were a team, and when they were together, the world somehow felt right. Paul knew that their love was unique, unfound in any other heart in this world, or the next. Paula knew that she was lucky, for she had a husband that was not afraid to cross mountains for her, and who enjoyed cooking supper just as much as she did.
"Paul?"
"Yes, my love?" They were looking out over the purple London sky, the sky that never quite found it's midnight darkness, as the gas lamps ensured that the city enjoyed an eternal glow, warming the cold hearts of it's citizens. The stars were soft, but ever-present, and the moon watched over everything as if hiding behind a shroud of lavender silk, keeping a motherly distance from it's chaotic child.
Paula paused, and turned her face towards the other houses along their street, their roofs an industrial brown, with the every other window orange with candlelight. She could hear a horse clopping it's way down the street on which their inn sat. Who was it escorting? A wealthy man, perhaps? The owner of the wax museum, maybe. He seemed a wordly-enough man to travel by horse. Or perhaps it was a lady who occupied the carriage. Paula pictured her with her petticoats and frills, occasionally unfolding her fan to displace the stagnant city air that had settled in front of her delicate nostrils. Paula longed to wear pretty things, or to mix with the wealthy, or even to be on the run, romantically escaping danger with every rising moon.
"I want to travel someday. And do great things."
Paul sighed, and wrapped his arms further around her shoulders. His cup of tea sat on the small table beside the settee, growing uncaringly cooler as the night deepened.
"That would be nice, wouldn't it," he replied.
"Paul, it's not just a dream. Someday I will find it: the sparkle, the excitement, the wind on my face, the fire in my heels..."
"You may see those things in your future, darling, but I must tell you that I already have them in my present. Every single day is fresh and new, and with every one of your smiles, I feel like I am standing on top of the world, with the wind of the heavens driving me onward."
At this, Paula took a quick inhale, and then slowly let it out as her bright eyes softened to match the glow of the room. She looked into his eyes, and shifted her ring finger to better hold his hand. She had never asked him to love her. She had never really asked him for anything, and it was at this moment that she began to feel the damp guilt that lovers often know too well. She had done very little to warrant a life such as this. He treated her like a princess, coating the ground of her world in rose petals, as to keep every one of her steps soft and beautiful. Every word he spoke sounded as if it were from the street up to her balcony, proclaiming his undying love. She, however, was a busy body, ordering him around, always with a little touch of flour in her hair, and often too tired for sentiment. And even then did he make her feel beautiful.
She did love him more than words could say. This did not calm her, though. Unexpressed emotion could be perfect for some, but she wanted the words. She wanted a painting, a song, a torn out page from a dictionary, anything that could concretely say that she loved him just as much as he loved her, if not more. She would find it, too. It was certain, just as she knew she would find her life of adventure. Not yet, though. For life was far too young to be jumping through flames just yet, and there were still far too many muffins that needed to be taken out of the oven.

From a point of view other than their own...

They hung back from the group, who at present were rushing forward into the darkness, into danger once again.
"I wonder," he said.
She looked at him, as he took a pause to gather his thoughts.
"You wonder?"
"Yes. I wonder if this is how things should have been."
"Of course this is how things should be, it's what we dreamed of, darling. Now, we're going to fall behind!" She left him alone with his thoughts, as her urge to catch up to the firey adventure won her over.
"Dreams, yes," he said aloud in the muted darkness, "your dreams are what I have lived for, darling. And they are what I shall forever live for." With that, Paul was off, running again, to find the danger, and brave it. It was this moment, however, that caused him to yearn to look back. The two had lived a long life together. Always together. So much had happened, some of which was remembered, most of which was forgotten. Paul could feel the end of his employment drawing ever nearer, and decided that mayhaps now was the time to remember. The time to recall.

And thus our story begins, tragically so near the ending.

Paula :: Present

(a postcard to Jo, addressed from a motel in Spain)

Jo!

God, I wish you were here. I'm in Europe, darling! I'm touring all over, seeing the sights, drinking the drinks, fucking the men!

Whoops! Have I said too much? Oh piffle...it's just us girls, we share everything!

I met this man named Julio. How exotic, Jo! Julio! He's 22, and strong like a buck! I've never sweat so much in my life...Jo, if only you could know how amazing even an hour with Julio is...a change for the better I'd say. I feel so alive, Jo! Life is exciting again! I...I could never go back...to the way things were.

I couldn't...right? I couldn't...I don't...because he couldn't...

(portion scratched out)

I hope M.E.S.S. is doing well, and say hi to most of the gang for me! Make sure you, Liz, and my William stay alive, and tell him Mummy will return soon!

Love, kisses, and dry martinis,

Paula

Paul :: Present

I dropped a note in Jo's pocket down in the tunnel, as we were poking around the roman numeral pad. I'd had it written for a couple days...but just then had the courage to give it to her. Without her knowing. She'll find it. And then all will be well...

~~~

Dear Jo,

I know she's left me. I've come to terms with it. Honestly, I have. Her absence has merely shown me that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I know that now. It's time, Jo. Time...to move on.

I no longer consider myself married. It's over, Jo. It's over. She has made that apparently clear, and you are the one person I am telling. You...the most important thing to me right now. You...who took me in. You...who never fails to be strong, even when the world explodes around you. You're spirit glows, Jo.

She is no longer my wife. I am Paul. I am...by myself. But I am not alone. I don't want lonliness. You, Jo, are the solution to my misery. You are who my wife could never be, what my life always needed. I can see that now.

I feel...elightened. Perhaps this hell was what I needed.

It seems like it's all been...wrong. Like everything up to this point simply happened because it was handed to me. Like I never worked for anything. Like I let life live itself...and just drag me along.

She's dead to me, Jo. But you...you are life.

It's hard, Jo. Why does it have to be so hard?

I love you, Jo.

For what it's worth, an ex-innkeeper loves you.

Paul

Paul :: 20 years old

Where've you been all my life?

I love you.

Paula :: 6 years old

I told him to stop poking me. I told him to stop pulling my hair. I told him to stop taking my nice, shiney apples and running out the door to throw them into the street. That's what I told him. Boys are funny.

I never told him that I stare at him. I never told him that while he's sweeping the floor, in his white apron, with his sleeves rolled up like a grownup, that I watch him. And sometimes...sometimes I'll bring in a handful of dirt from the street, and drop it in the middle of the floor just so he keeps sweeping. And he does. Boys are funny.

"Hey, Paul. Do you think we could play house some day?"

Oh, I couldn't ask him that!!

"You can play Daddy, and I can play Mummy!"

Boys don't like playing house.

"And someday, Daddy and Mummy can have a little baby. I've always wanted a little baby of my own, haven't you, Daddy?"

Babies are cute. Boys are funny. I hope I have a boy...a funny boy.

"And when he's good, Daddy, we can give him shiney apples to eat! And when he's bad, Mummy will have to spank. Is that all right with you, Daddy?"

"...Daddy?"

...Paul?

Oh. That's right. I told him to stay away from me. To stop bothering me.

I didn't mean it, though! What kind of stupid boy actually goes away when you tell them to?!

...

...a nice one.

Paul :: Present

...is this how things are going to turn out? Is this what we've spent our entire lives living towards? I couldn't tell tou what happened. All of a sudden, things came crashing down around us, and we were filled with doubt and questions that, up until a moment ago, never entered our heads.

Why do I sit here, wondering if I'll come out of this alive? It's...it's that I've always been strong. It's that we've always smiled. It's that neither of us have ever questioned fate. It's that...it's that I've been sitting here with a bottle of gin, shattered glass, and a stained carpet for days. I don't even know if I can move anymore. I can only speak when someone speaks to me first. I...I have nothing now. And the sad thing is that I genuinely feel like I'm doing nothing to get it all back.

Why am I not moving? Why aren't my eyes wide, and my arms stretched out, looking for a light at the end of this hell? I don't...I don't even know who I am anymore...it's all...cloudy.

Jo, I...I...I want to stay with you. Please, Jo, please don't throw me away. I still have my sword. I still have my training. I don't have anything else...it's all in smouldering ruins...but I have everything that you've given me. Don't...please don't make me say goodbye.